Some random things happened last week.

Three of them are as follows:

1. I shot a fish porn video.

2. Somebody called me stuffy.

3. I made sausage fried rice.

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I SHOT A FISH PORN VIDEO

So yeah.. My bettas (Siamese fighter fish) did it. Much preparation, preamble and poreflay (sic) led to the elaborate affair.. I had to get them introduced slowly and make sure that they didn’t end up killing each other.. I did it by placing the their bowls side by side and ensuring that they got a good look at each other.. Once the female developed the vertical stripe on her, I knew she was ready so I chucked her in and let them do their thing.. I must admit, it took a while.. There was a good amount of nipping and chasing and the male built up a pretty big bubble nest while the female pretty much hid behind the plants..

24 hours later, they did the dance and the female laid the eggs.. The male picked them up from the bottom of the bowl and deposited each one carefully in the bubble nest..  Bloody meticulous I must say.. Anyway, I was kicked because we’d managed to get it all on video.. Very cool stuff.. I will edit it soon and set it to some nice music.. The Romance of the Pan Flute by Zamfir perhaps. 😀

The female is back in her bowl and the big crimson veil tailed male is looking after the nest.. The fry should hatch any day now..

Pics –

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SOMEBODY CALLED ME STUFFY

I was a little puzzled. Stuffy? Me? Why? It eventually turned out that the idiot was paying me a compliment. Apparently, I’m stuffy because I have stuff in me. Stuff worth learning apparently. I accepted the definition since I was on the receiving end of the compliment and just wanted to get the conversation over and done with. It’s bloody annoying when you run into people who refuse to accept fault with their English. Its not like I’m out to give the world an English lesson but sometimes you just have to set some shit right. Apparently stuffy (in this context) is a very common word, that a lot of people use.

I’ve copied and pasted my conversation with this ass hat, below:

me: Stuffy?

MCP: in general people use a lott dis word.  Stuffy means got so many things in them

me: dude, stuffy means something else

MCP: if anyone possess skills then we use this

me: yeah right..  come on man.. you cant invent words 😀

MCP: and its my usuall or common word watever people call it as

me: okay.. if you insist

I did a BRB and had a good laugh but then General Grammario issued forth a warning of sorts –

MCP: I know dat we are learners in english in front of u hence… even if u correct me dont care much however if someone even tries to correct i will give a nice kick on their asses and care a damn whom so ever it may be

This was gold! Plural butts and all! I finished my laughing fit, wiped the tears from my eyes, drew on my fine command of the English language and said –

me: Whatever

Don’t get me wrong.. Its not like I have anything against him because of his bad English.. Its just the attitude that I don’t get.. I find this fellow annoying most of  the time, but I must admit, he provides me with entertainment too.. Its like that idiot character in Bheja Fry.. You can laugh at him over drinks and chicken 65. Incidentally, he calls himself MCP because he believes that a Male Chauvinist Pig is someone who is proud of his country and will do anything for it. I tried telling him, but what the f*ck do I know?

A couple of gems from this fellow’s vocabulary are Doonbog and Calfoster. I have never been able to figure out what either of them meant. If you know what the hell these mean, please leave comment on this piece and enlighten me.. As I write this, I wonder if he’ll read this post and take something away from it.. but then again, who am I kidding? Onion is a difficult word to spell. He’ll never make it past the URL.

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I MADE SAUSAGE FRIED RICE

It was 11 am on Saturday morning. We were hungry. The fridge hadn’t been stocked in a week and there wasn’t much except for a ton of left over cooked rice and some other random stuff.. I rolled up the sleeves on my ribbed cotton vest and got to work. I heated some oil in a wok, added some chopped garlic and onion and sauteed them till soft. Then I dived into the back of the fridge and found a cabbage that had been there since Indira Gandhi was in power. I salvaged half of it, chopped it up and chucked it in. Spotted a capsicum too so I tossed it in as well..

We had two kinds of sausages in the freezer – Chicken and pork.. I grabbed two of each, thawed them out in the microwave, chopped them up and flung them in with a flourish.. Seasoned the whole thing with salt, black pepper and generous dose of thyme.. I let the entire mixture really come together and then added one cube of chicken stock dissolved in about a cup of water.. I let it all simmer for a minute and then started adding the rice.. I added all the rice, seasoned it again with pepper and tossed the whole thing up really well.. Reduced the flame and let it sit for a while. I beat four eggs in a bowl (with a little water) [for fluffosity]* {I did the bracket thing again}.

Anyway, I flavoured the eggs with oregano and chilli flakes sponsored by Pizza Hut and popped it into the microwave for around three minutes on high.. Took it out, chopped the omelette up in to little pieces and mixed it in with the rice. Removed from flame and served.

*fluffosity = fluffiness

What? Its a common word!

If you want to avoid a kick on your asses you will wisely keep your mouth shut.

Over and out 😀